One of the things that has always interested me is how people finance crazy trips. I mean, are they all just so rich that they can quit their jobs and travel to their hearts content? The first time I ever thought about quitting my job it was to become a full time student. That was about 5 years ago. I chased multiple avenues of finance and in the end I just couldn’t see how I could pull it off. It was the first year that was the killer, no one gives financial aid to someone making $40k a year with no dependents.

So in late 2006, as I started planning the exodus the first question I needed to answer was: can I feasibly quit my job and go on this crazy adventure without ending up living under a bridge. Not that I’m knocking living under a bridge, it’s just that it would be much tougher to blog without a place to plug in my computer. The point is, according to Maslow if I’m going to chase my dreams or whatnot, I need to eat a sandwich here & there. In order to do that, I need money…. or a sandwich tree.

The spreadsheet told me to do this…

So it came to be that my entire life and prospective future was reduced down to a series of cells & simple formulas in a spreadsheet. I listed all of my current payments that I would still have to pay (debt, cell phone, groceries, etc.). I then figured out how much money I can put together. This includes my savings (ha!), the equity I have in my house, and even draining my retirement account. Most people would argue that at 30 draining your retirement account (and paying a penalty in the process) is an incredibly stupid move; but let’s be honest here, I’m quitting my job, selling my house, and moving who-knows-where to do who-knows-what. I think I’ve got “stupid move” pretty well covered. Might as well run with it. But I digress, let’s get back to the spreadsheet.

So after assuming how much money I’ll have to start off with, I listed all of my expected bills. Obviously I had to guess at some of them, but I did some research on apartment rentals & cost of living and got what I believed to be a good estimate. After that I calculated how long I could live with only the money I had at the start and bank interest along the way. I calculated it out for a total of 48 months assuming I go for a 4-year degree. Well according to Mr. Spreadsheet at the end of the 48th month I’ll have a little over $2,000 to my name. That’s right, I could survive four years on a tight budget without having to work. Now I admit that I did not take into account the cost of school itself, as I plan to fully go in debt to pay for school.

…and then it waffled.

So everything looked pretty good. But I started planning this wackiness in early 2007. That was before the “great mortgage crisis” which turned into the housing market slump which, according to zillow, shaved thousands of dollars off of my home appraisal.

This was also before the stock market tanked taking my retirement account along for the ride. This too took thousands of dollars away from the plan I had hatched out. A plan that intended to send me into the fantasy world of voluntary unemployment.

Yes, Mr. Spreadsheet was also birthed before gasoline prices sky rockets to $4 a gallon taking with it the price of milk, corn, and everything else that I can’t grow on my sandwich tree. So I have less money and life got more expensive. So away went Mr. Spreadsheet, and out came Mrs. Spreadsheet, arriving just in time to crush my hopes & dreams like so many women before her. According to Mrs. Spreadsheet, I will now run out of money after 37 months and will be almost $20,000 in debt by the end of 4 years. This does not count the debt I was intending on collecting for school itself. That’s right kiddos, Mrs. Spreadsheet is a bitch.

And now: proof that I’m stupid

So after running the new numbers, most intelligent people would recognize that their hopes had officially been dashed and would have caved to the reality of math. But not me!! No sir, I looked at all that red ink and just shrugged. To be honest with you, I’ve allowed myself to get too emotionally involved in this escape plan to stop now. I’ve convinced myself that I just can’t continue to live the life I’m living now.

Maybe the best way to put it is this: Originally this wasn’t a bad plan with a lot of room for hope. Now it’s not a very good plan, but to me it’s still better than the alternative, and it still has ample room for hope. While it may be a bad plan, it’s the best one I’ve got at this point. I’ve been accused many times in my life of being too idealistic, and I’ve been told a few times that I’m too much of a dreamer. To those who have said that, here you go, proof that you’re right.

Fuck the numbers. I’m jumping.

So I decided I wanted to go. But go where? And what will I do when I get there? That’s where things start getting tricky…

The Where

In May 2005 I went on vacation to Portland, Oregon. Before I went people asked me why I chose Portland. I told them that I had no clue. For some reason at some point several years back the idea to go there on vacation got stuck in my head. Since I couldn’t get it unstuck, I finally caved in and took that vacation. I fell in love with Portland. For nine days I walked around, time & again falling in love. So once I decided that I was leaving San Antonio no matter what, Portland seemed like a good idea. But there was one glaring problem.

You’ve heard me whine in previous posts about how my life isn’t good enough. Boo hooo… yeah, I know. Now the truth is, I take complete & total responsibility for the excessive suck in my life; but that’s what makes for my dilemna. You see, I’m not living a life that just happened, I’m living the exact life that I made happen. Most of it by conscious choice, the rest by conscious apathy. So when I sit down to plan the next stage of my life, how do I trust that this time I’ll get it right? Besides that, who wants all the pressure of having to actually plan their life?!? That’s just crazy talk! So I decided not to decide. So here’s the “plan”:

After I sell my house & quit my job I will pack everything I own into a Uhaul with my car in tow behind me. I will then drive in the direction of Portland. I will most likely end up in Oregon. After that I will go to Portland and put all of my junk into long term storage. Then I will likely hang out in Eugene, OR for a while (thx Sarah). After that, I really don’t know. Maybe I’ll check out Seattle too. But eventually I will settle down some place. That place will most likely end up being Portland or Eugene. But I refuse to make any definitive plans. Currently the freedom (as well as the risks that come with freedom) tastes better than security & logical planning.

The What

So we know the general direction I’m heading, and that I will most likely end up in either Portland or Eugene. Then what? To continue with the above theme: I dunno. But here’s (again) what will most likely happen:

Those who are familiar with my line of work should know that none of my primary skills are very transferrable. They’re too specific to a niche that is too small. In other words, when I leave my job I will not do what I do any longer. So I don’t expect a well paying job to welcome my arrival in my new city. That said, I don’t think I’ll even look for a job. Instead of going back to work, I think I may go back to school. Go to college and chase a 4-year degree that will give me a greater range of transferrable skills so that a future jaunt similar to the one I’m now planning can be executed without so much risk.

So yeah obviously I haven’t thought too far into the future. But honestly, that’s the point. There is an awesome Zen proverb that reads: “Jump and the net will appear.” So I’m going to jump, and I will either learn to fly, fall into the net, or make a curiously symmetrical splatter on the floor below.

Stick around, and we’ll find out together…

Like I said in my earlier post, “Reasons to go”, life here isn’t completely terrible. When considering whether or not I should really make such a big jump I weighed the pros & cons. There are definitely things I will miss:

Anyone who’s known me over the last 6 years or so has heard me complain time and again about home ownership. It’s a constant to-do list and can suck your wallet dry pretty quickly. But as a whole, I like having a place that’s mine. The house is bigger than I need but I got it a real good price and I like the layout. Life in my house is very comfortable. My move will most likely end with me sleeping in an apartment. After having my car broken into twice in 6 months while I lived in an apartment I decided to buy a house. I don’t look forward to much of what comes with apartment living. I’ll also miss having a garage. I like having a garage.

On top of a house I like and can easily afford, I also have good neighbors. Except for one house, I know all of my immediate neighbors and I like them all. This neighbor-appreciation culminates with my next-door neighbors. They are a crazy bunch full of adventure and are unbelievably friendly & welcoming. With 6 kids (yeah, six!) I’ve been able to watch them grow up and will truly miss getting to watch them turn into the young adults they’re quickly becoming.

I mentioned that I want out of my job. But it would be unfair if I presented it in such uni-dimensional way. In the early years my job presented me with a great opportunity for growth. It also rewarded me when I took advantage of those opportunities. After 10 years I have a window office, an acceptable level of responsibility, and quite a bit of freedom. I also like a vast majority of my coworkers. There are a lot good things to say about my job, and if I was the sort of person who wanted a stable job where I could begin counting down until retirement then this wouldn’t be a bad place to do it. But in the end I want more. I want more than to work my way into some middle-management position where I wait until retirement. I’m not done growing nor learning. Here, I’m hitting ceilings.

My family lives in San Antonio. Although we only see each other a handful of times a year, a handful is just right for me. Moving away (with no immediate plans for employment) will mean it may be several years before I see them again. That’s kind of a bummer.

If you save the best for last then it’s only fitting that I saved listing my friends until the end. The single hardest about uprooting your life and starting fresh is walking away from good friends. I’ve got a few and there is more than a tinge of remorse at the inevitable drift that comes with distance. From the day-to-day hallway conversations, to the ruckus of lunchtime debates, to evenings out on the town, friends make all the difference between a satisfied life and an empty one. The possibility of financial devastation has barely made a blip on my radar, but walking away from the many people in my life has been the one factor that has made my decision a difficult one to make.

I think if you are ever going to do something crazy like this you should take a good & honest look at not only the bad in your life, but the good as well. I don’t have a terrible job. I have great friends. My family is close by. And year after year there are more things getting closer to my reach financially. Life is not bad.

Without acknowledging all of the good in your life, you can’t truly assess whether or not doing what I’m about to do is a good idea. Above is a list of things that may fill my upcoming life with regret. I hope that’s not the case… but if it is, I can’t argue ignorance.

So what brings someone to the point where they’re going to drop everything they know & have and set off to try to build a brand new life? That’s a good question and I’ll share much of the answer with you. But before I do, I would like to make one thing clear. My life is not bad. I do not suffer, cry myself to sleep, or dream of new ways to commit suicide. My upcoming journey shouldn’t be viewed as an act of desperation, but rather an act of hope. My life isn’t bad… I simply want something different.

But let’s be honest too, you don’t just drop it all and run for no reason. As I pondered my 20’s I looked at the various areas of my life and analyzed each one. Here’s a smidgen of the list:

On top of all of the points noted above, there is one other driving factor. I live in San Antonio, Texas and I hate it here. I don’t want to turn this post into a rant about S.A. but the fact that this is in no way “home” to me is the single biggest factor in my wanting to leave. Maybe the best way to look at it is that I’ve always wanted to leave Texas and now everything has come to a point where it makes sense to go. I’m single, I have no kids, and I want to leave my job. This means that I really have significant ties keeping me here.

So there it is I guess. So yeah, I’m good… but I’m not great. Why not aim for great?.