Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t.

Erica Jong

I wish I could remember who gave me this piece of advice, because they deserve quite a bit of credit. Whomever it was said it many years ago, and as I’ve stumbled along through life I’ve found myself remembering those words on multiple occasions.

In life we meet many people and engage in many, many types of relationships. Every relationship, whether it’s friendship, romance, or the regular cashier who sells you a bagel and coffee every morning can be crashed and set ablaze. Trust me, I know. Sometimes we’re glad to end a relationship, sometimes we’re even glad to end it in an ugly fashion. But sometimes things falls apart whether we like it or not, no matter how hard we try to keep them from happening.

Now when things end ugly, often times one of you (or both of you) have engaged in very douchey behavior. If you’re not an actual douche, this means that you’ll feel bad later on and wish to make things better. Unfortunately life doesn’t have a rewind button and we can’t undo our fuck ups. In some situations we can make things better; however there are other times when we can’t. That’s when this advice comes in handy.

If ever in life you’re the guy who shit the bed you need to remember: sometimes you’re the asshole. You may want to fix things, but you should recognize when you can’t. Because at times the more you try to fix them, the bigger asshole you appear to be. Sometimes you can’t just kiss the boo-boo and make things better. When you recognize that’s the case, stop trying.

Whether we like it or not, there are times in life when the best thing to do is nothing. If it makes you feel better, the rest of us don’t think you’re an asshole. Well… the rest of them don’t… I do.

A thunderstorm is God’s way of saying you spend too much time in front of the computer.

Unknown

I love thunderstorms. I love a good solid downpour. The closer the lightning strikes the happier I am. The crack of thunder excites me just as much as it fills me with calm.

San Antonio is a desert, however we do have a rainy season. Historically the rainy season can be very hit or miss. This year it has definitely been a miss. It’s too bad because while Portland is quite rainy, I don’t know that they get the severe storms that we get here. There is a vast, vast difference between rain and a semi-torrential thunderstorm.

In my neighborhood I’m known as the crazy guy who you can spot standing or sitting outside in the middle of a storm. Still fresh in my mind are the memories of two different sets of neighborhood kids whom, shortly after moving into the neighborhood, were spotted staring out the window at me as I let the rain wash over me. Whenever I see them I make it a point to wave. Kids wave back so whole heartedly… it’s awesome.

It rained yesterday, and it rained some more today. Earlier tonight it started to rain again. As it started I was seated in my living room watching a movie, and with a quick glance outside I knew right away this wasn’t the sort of rain that warranted putting on my “get wet” shoes. So I just stayed in my chair and kept on watching The Wizard of Oz. It was not long after my dismissive glance that my living room lit up for a fraction of a second as the lightning demanded my attention. The thunder clap which immediately followed informed me that I was expected outside.

(more…)

I went out drinking with a few friends tonight. These are friends that are “in the know.” These days that’s how I separate the friends out: those that know about the impending Life 2.0 and those that don’t. At 30 going out drinking has a different meaning than it did when I was, say, 18. We don’t go out to get plastered, we go out to talk and beer just loosens things up a bit. In reality (for me at least) it just means that I say “fuck” more often than I normally do (though I still use it quite a bit even when fully sober).

One of the cool things about doing what I’m doing is that I’ve found it opens the doors to conversations that would never have been had otherwise. Tonight was one of those nights that reminded me of that fact. We had some really good conversations and at one point one of my friends paid me one of the greater compliments I’ve received in quite some time (feed my ego and we’ll get along just fine! =P). Seriously though, I’ve found it really interesting in the ways I’ve recently connected with people I’ve known for years. There are those who have gone from people I’ve really liked to people I’ve learned to love.

But as I sit here (still kinda tipsy) I find myself wondering if it’s necessary to sell all your shit and go forward with nothing but your car in order to give people something to connect to. I recognize that many people are attached to the romantic notions that go along with my proposed endeavor, but I refuse to accept you need something insane like that to catalyse conversation. How many people in our lives are ready to be elevated within our respective minds? How many relationship are we missing out on because we waste time talking about the weather, or sports, or whatever nonsense is going on in Hollywood when we could be having real conversations?

You know what I say? I say we were born with middle fingers for a reason. Rock the boat. If you have to, tip the whole thing over and find out who can swim. Maybe it’s about time we stop bullshitting and make the most out of every fucking breath that comes out of our body. Get deep. Really, put that shit out there and see what happens. Fuck liking your friends… love them! And if it backfires,remember, we were born with middle fingers for a reason.

_{This post is dedicated to the fine folks who make Budweiser, Bud Light, Blue Moon, Killian’s Irish Red, and one other beer I can’t remember.}

I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind.
Some come from ahead and some come from behind.
But I’ve bought a big bat. I’m all ready you see.
Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!

~Dr. Seuss

Over the weekend I started working on a post for k&t that’s still in the “draft” stage. I was discussing this latest & last system I’ve been building at work. The point of the post was that I’ve been feeling my interests and focus wane as time moves along. I made some mention that I no longer feel like I’m really part of the team for this project; not because of anything other than the mental & emotional detachment that I’ve been allowing to happen. It’s interesting what a few days can do to change your perspective. That post will never get published. Instead there’s this one…

As I mentioned in my post from 5 days back, the system I’ve been working on has been moved into the test cell at work. What this means is that it’s transitioning from the “build” phase to the “implementation” phase; in other words, we’re actually starting to use it. This is the phase where you find all the bugs in the system and try to make it actually useful (up until this point you’ve simply been pretending that it’s useful).

Now this particular project has multiple milestones and each one is critical. Several of them are coming up in rapid succession. To put it simply, things need to get working and they need to get working soon.

It isn’t terribly unusual for projects to get close to their deadlines still in need of a notable amount of work. Times like these are when people start staying late after work; putting in the time & effort needed to make sure the job gets done. With overtime rarely (or more likely never) being required not everyone chooses to stick around to push the last few inches.

For myself and my career crunchtime has been my bread & butter. You see, no matter how much work you may have put in during a 2 year project it is the last 6 weeks that define your roll. When there’s the final scramble to make the deadline, if you choose to make excuses that’s what people remember. However if you choose a little self sacrifice, work the long hours, be part of the team, and make sure the job gets done, then you earn the appreciation of your coworkers and (hopefully) those above you. I’m not saying that this the way things should be, I’m saying this is the way they are. Sometimes projects slip their schedules and someone has to help keep it going. Over these 10 years, during crunch time, I’ve come to recognize the same faces time & again, project after project. These are the people you want on your team, these are the go-to guys, these are the people who know how to remove “failure” from the list of options.

So as this particular project has been getting close to the latest milestone there’s been more & more scrambling. We got close, but not close enough. Things had to be running (not perfect, just running) by today. Now I’ve never slacked off due to my impending departure, but like I said earlier, I have been detached. So when it became more & more likely that a little overtime would be required I knew that the OT wouldn’t be coming from me. Like I said, I’m not really part of the team anymore.

Monday morning starting with an email from the project manager forecasting “late nights” over the coming days. I scoffed as I read that. “Ha, maybe for you guys,” I thought to myself.

I was wrong. I’ve stayed after work for the last 3 days.

It was after 5:00 today that we squished the last system bug. As I left the building tonight after my third straight day of working past quitting time I found myself reflecting over it. Waving goodbye as I walked to my office to lock up, that’s when I realized that over the years it’s been these same guys, time after time, pushing a project those last few inches. I didn’t stay because I suddenly started loving my job again. I stayed because I have some fantastic co-workers. I stayed because it was these same few who were staying. I stayed because although I’m ready to leave, I still am part of the team after all.

You know what? I’m glad I did. I really am. I’m even glad that the schedule slipped. One last time to get your ass in the trenches and make things happen. I must admit that I’ve enjoyed being a go-to guy.

It was during this time of reflection that I started writing this post in my head. It was during this time of reflection that I began to see the analogy between these projects and life in general. I’ve been lucky enough in my life that there haven’t been many times when I’ve needed the help of others, and I generally don’t ask for it even when I do need it (a total character flaw on my part). It is during our times of need when the relationships we’ve created get tested, and in those moments in my life when I did need help I learned quite a bit about those around me.

I have had the misfortune to learn that some of the people I’ve held close to me would not be there when I needed, instead bailing out with some lame excuse or simply using avoidance. However, I’ve also been surprised at the ones who did step up. Those who offered more support than I would have expected of them. Those who catapulted their way to the top of my list.

I fully expected to hand this project off if it started tanking. I surprised even myself when I chose to stay and ensure we hit this latest milestone. Like I said, over the last ten years it’s been those same faces getting the job done in the late hours. Those are ones I stayed for. It’s been a privilege to work with those who could be counted on when deadlines came crashing in.

Whether at work, at home, or anywhere else in your life there is a blessing to be found during the most trying of times. It is only then when you are given the chance to forge the strongest of bonds with those whom would lend you a hand, a shoulder, or an ear.

Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe, in order to assure the survival and the success of liberty.

-John F. Kennedy

You know I don’t pretend to be overly patriotic. I don’t say the pledge of allegiance. My knowledge of American history is probably on par with an average 3rd grader. But I have to admit, there was something about getting the passport and reading it that made me feel a little more American.

My passport is 28 pages long and each set of two pages has a quote on it that somehow relates to the U.S.. It’s pretty inspiring. I mean, look at that quote up there by JFK! That’s some sweetness with just the right amount of kick-your-ass.

Another of the quotes was the start of the Declaration of Independence. The one that says every human being has certain unalienable rights. Yeah, unalienable. These include “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” Anyone raised in this country has heard this one about a billion times. But have you ever taken a moment to really think about them? I mean take a moment to truly let it sink in. Life. Liberty. The pursuit of happiness. Unalienable.

Unalienable: Not to be separated, given away, or taken away. How many of us have given up on one or more these rights? I know that I’ve lost sight of all three.